Homework?? What's that??

Finished another day at school. Still really enthusiastic about furthering my education and future career. Having my husband support me in this really helps. Actually I have a lot of people who are really supporting. My maternal grandmother has been proud of everything I have done. She is proud of anything I do as long as it betters my life. I am the first female to graduate from high school and to have her first child at 25. My adopted family has always encouraged me to continue my education. I work with some amazing people who have been supportive and have even help with school supplies. The support has been overwhelming.

I can't help but wonder why my mother rejected her support system. I know that even though my mother and grandmother have had a strained relationship, my grandmother would have been there for her. My grandmother and grandfather, who is my mother's stepfather, have supported my mother, brother and myself more than once. My mother had a built in support system and she rejected it. Something she taught to her children.

My mother has a weird philosophy on life. She wants to do everything on her own, yet she depends on others to take care of her. She is all about respect and putting blood family first, yet treats her mother like crap and has not seen her children in about 13 years. She likes to pretend that she had an awful childhood and tells her friends this. I had a conversation with an ex-boyfriend of hers that mentioned how rough my mother had it as a child. I told him that my mother was spoiled by her father and got whatever her heart desired. She never went without anything. It baffles me that she would portray herself this way. Then again maybe she is ashamed that she had every opportunity in life to be someone great and she turned into an addict.

I was taught from a young age nothing is more important than my family. And by family, according to my mother, that means my brother and my mother. She taught me to trust no one outside of our little trio. While my mother has had many friends over the years these were just people that she could get something from. As soon as they were no longer useful she moved on. I fell into that same sort of habit. Only for me I moved on as soon as it felt like they were getting to close. As I got older I learned that it is ok to be open to people as long as you trust them. I still feel a strong pull towards my brother. If I had my way I'd still be barking orders at him like he was five. When we were living with my mother nothing was more important to me than his well being. That's why I never really went to school. I was too worried about what would happen if he was left alone with our mother. She never really cared that I quit going to school. In her mind just translated into having a built in maid and babysitter. When I did go to school she never helped me get ready and never helped with homework. She hated going to parent's nights. She felt to out of place. I always wanted her to go so I could show off how cool my mother was for not looking like other moms. More than once I wanted to try out for a part in a school play but didn't because I knew that I wouldn't be there for the play. There were so many things I wanted to do but knew I couldn't because I didn't have my mother's support.

When my brother and I were adopted all that changed. Suddenly we had two parents that wanted, no, more like expected us to do well. It wasn't that they expected us to do well because that was how it is. They wanted us to do well because they knew we could. They expected me to do my homework and would check it every night to make sure it was done. I struggled with homework up until I graduated high school. I hated doing it. Another factor was I was taught that homework wasn't important. Not only did my adopted parents expect us to do well in school they encouraged us to get involved in sports, choir, drama and youth group. When I didn't make the school basketball team my 8th grade year, my adopted dad signed me up to play with the YMCA team for my age and even coached my team that year. Both of my adopted parents went to every game and choir concert. Sometimes my dad would miss a game due to work or my mom couldn't make it for some reason but I had at least one of them in the stands cheering for me. As I progressed through high school I dropped sports and got more interested in theatre. I can't act to save my life but I enjoyed working backstage. My parents came to some of the plays I worked on but I know that if I had even a minor role on stage they would have been there every night.

Looking back I am so grateful for my adopted parents and their encouragement. When I was a teenager I hated it. School wasn't important to me and I didn't really care for most of my extra curricular activities. They were just an excuse to get out of the house. My main goal was to turn 18, move out and start my life. I didn't want to go to college or anything like that. While my parents were disappointed they supported my decision. They may not have liked the life I was living but they supported my choice to live it. Over the years I have learned that it's ok to lean on others for support every now and then. It is a wonderful feeling to know that if I ever need help or just someone to talk to I have my parents. Even more than that now I have my husband and his family. I have my amazing bosses at work. I just have been blessed with amazing people who want to see me succeed. So instead of shunning them I am going to embrace my support system. I hope I make them proud.

Taya