My Mother in Me

My almost 18 month old daughter loves to brush my hair. She's not very good at it yet and tends to smack me in the head more than actually brushing. She gets so excited when she does get it right and manages to brush my hair. She is all giggles, smiles and kisses. Whenever I am getting ready for the day I put the baby gate in the bathroom doorway and she hangs out while I do my hair and make up. I teasure those times with her because they are the same things I loved doing with my mother.

While there are a lot of negative memories and feelings associated with my mother there are a few good memories I hold onto. I loved when my mother would hold still and let me play with her hair. That's how I learned to braid. I would love fixing her hair into whatever crazy hairstyle I could think up. What I really loved was the fact that she was sitting there just for me. That she wanted me to be by her and to love on her. When she used to do her make up and hair I would sit on the edge of the tub and watch. I thought my mother was the most beautiful woman in the whole world and when she got dolled up no Hollywood starlet looked better in my eyes. These are some of my favorite memories because they are peaceful. And they are one of the few memories of my mother and I spending mother/daughter time together. Most of the time, due to my mother's addiction, I was acting as the parent or the best friend. I love the memories of my mother letting me be a daughter most. They are few.

I love that I now get to experience the mother/daughter relationship in a new way. I get to be the mother this time and I am cherishing every minute of it. My daughter brings a smile to my face every day. She is growing so fast. Even at such a young age my daughter has developed a beautiful personality. I can't wait to see the type of woman she grows up to be. I know that I won't be a perfect parent because there is no perfect parent. I will however do my very best to be the best parent I can be. And when mistakes are made they will be my own and not my mother's.

Taya