As everyone knows today is Valentine's Day. I have seen 27 of these holidays and only one really sticks out in my head. This one Valentine's Day changed and saved my life and also my brother's. It was 15 years ago today that my brother and I were removed from my mother's care. In order to understand what happened you have to go back about 18 years when my mother sent us away to my grandparents. My mother was struggling with her addiction and had reached a breaking point. She was 23 years old, had two children to take care of and an addiction that wouldn't let her.
My brother and I lived with my grandparents for a year. It was during this year that I met one of my mother's stepbrothers. My grandfather is actually my mother's stepfather but he has always and will always be my grandpa. He was married before my grandmother and had two sons with his first wife. They were both younger than my mother but only by a few years. While living with my grandparents my 18 year old uncle would watch my brother and I while my grandparents worked. Because he spent a great deal of time at our house I eventually met his mother, R. She started taking me to church and would take me to do fun things like going to the lake or to lunch. My grandparents worked long hours and didn't often do those sorts of things with us and my mother never did those things with me so I really enjoyed it. This is not to say that my grandparents never spent time with us. We did a lot of things at home. My grandma is an avid reader and encouraged me in that. My grandpa loves movies and passed that love on to me.
After living with my grandparents for about a year my mother called to say she was coming to get us and take us home. She did this every few months. The first time I packed my brother and I up and sat outside all day and waited. The second time I packed just in case but went out to play with the neighbor kids. The third time I didn't even believe or care if she came. This time however, it sounded like she was really one her way. My grandma came and pulled me out of school. We went to the pizza place my grandpa was the manager of and had lunch with my uncle and his mom. After lunch we all headed to my grandparents home. Shortly there after my mother pulled into the driveway. My brother and I were so shocked and happy to see her there. It was during the loading up of our things that my mother met my grandpa's first wife R. They chatted and exchanged information so that R could keep up with what my brother and I were up too.
Things were fine for a while with my mother. She got us a place of our own. I was going to school every day and there was food in the house. Sadly all good things must come to an end. All too soon things went from good to horrifying. My mother lost herself to her addiction again. The one good thing that remained was our contact with R and her husband S. They would sometimes make the three hour trip to see us or even bring us back home with them for a three day weekend. During the summer we spent 2 weeks there. I would spend a week at youth camp and my brother would have all sorts of different things going on. It was so awesome to discover a life outside of my mother's addiction. R and S would also help us with food. They must of spent hundreds in Safeway gifts certificates and at Costco. Right before I started 6th grade R and S offered to pay for me to go to a private school. The one condition was that I went to school every day and that my mother would make sure I got there. My brother started kindergarten that year as well and went to the private school with me. I didn't really like the school. The classes were small so I couldn't fade into the background. We did ok for a few months and then things just kind of went down hill. By the time February rolled around my brother and I had missed three weeks of school. The school decided to call R and S since they couldn't get a hold of my mother. R drove three hours to see what going on. My brother and I had been staying at the neighbors for a week. Our house had no power, water or food. R came by herself and stopped by the house. I didn't know she was in town until I watched her drive away. I told my mother that I saw R drive away. I'm not sure how long it was but R came back. My mother went and told her where we were staying. I don't remember talking to R but I remember she and mother had a very long talk I couldn't be a part of.
After they were done talking R went home. My mother refused to tell my what they talked about but I was worried and kind of excited. I had a secret hope that R was someday going to see how awful things were for us and take us to live with her and S. I wanted a normal life so much. After three days, on Valentine's Day, of trying to get my mother to talk R showed back up but this time she had S with her. It was then that my mother explained that we were going to live with them for a while. It was my dream come true and yet I was crushed. My mother had known for three days that we were leaving and didn't tell us. We weren't packed or anything. I had no idea how long we were going to be seperated. My brother and I were heartbroken. Everyone assured us it was temporary and that we would be reunited in no time.
So off we went. We started a new school and tried to get used to a new normal. It was harder for me. I went from being the parent to being the child. I never got used to it. For a while my brother and I held out hope that our mother was coming home. The first year or so we saw her every few months . Then she went to a rehab place in Southern California. The plan was she would go down there, get clean, get a job and save money then come home and raise her kids. She never did. At first we held out hope and then one by one we all lost it. I'll never forget the summer I spent a week as a camp counselor at the same camp my brother went to. One night around the camp fire my brother started to cry. I rushed to him and asked what was wrong. He said he missed our mother and wished she would just come home. He was about 11 when this happened and I have not seen him shed a tear for her since.
While it sucks that my mother chose her addiction over her children at least we had a good life after all. We had two responsible adults in our life that encouraged us to be the best we could be and hold us accountable when we weren't. I will always be greatful to them for taking us in and loving us like their own. Every Valentine's Day, while the world celebrates romantic love, I celebrate a different kind of love. A love that reached out and saved two children from a dark future.
Taya
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